Connect with People to Find Self-Empowerment

Have you ever noticed how some people are so naturally friendly when placed inside a room of strangers? They quickly connect and engage in conversations with almost everyone in no time. We often refer to them as a people-person, outgoing and charismatic, with the ability to charm a spot from a leopard’s back. They can entice others to contribute and celebrate their success. These individuals appear to operate from a mindset that they can accomplish anything because of the overwhelming support base behind them.

In all honesty, these are skills that I dedicated a significant amount of time to improve over the past years. By nature, I am somewhat reserved, but recognized I could never reach my full potential if I didn’t do more to aggressively connect with others to broaden my circle of influence. At one time, I could walk among hundreds of people and didn’t feel the need to connect with any of them. In hindsight, the lack of a more outward going personality probably hindered my career advancement and limited my access to other opportunities. Fortunately, I began to recognize these as flaws as a hindrance to my ability to maximize my knowledge, skills, and talents. Thus, I began this journey of self-improvement.

Working to enhance my own social skills has enabled me to better connect and relate to family, friends, colleagues at work, as well as complete strangers. The transformation in this area of my own personal development allows me to experience the level of self-empowerment I now enjoy. I no longer feel vulnerable in my efforts to reach out and connect with others. In fact, I seek as many opportunities as possible.

This drive for self-empowerment has been a process of making a general overhaul in my life and turning myself into a more confident and positive person. While still comfortable in my own skin, most people would probably think of me as a more outward going person today. Next, I would like to share some of the strategies used to better connect with people that led to my own sense of self-empowerment:

1. Be genuine.

Be true to who you are. There must be consistency in your behavior and interactions with others. Attempting to live a double life will eventually bring you down. Once you are perceived to be a hypocrite with selfish intentions, you might as well say goodbye to self-empowerment. Therefore, keep your ego under control by constantly monitoring your thoughts, decisions, and behavior.

2. Be a great listener.

To earn the respect and trust of other people, listen to their problems and empathize with them. Do more than hear them out, listen to them with your heart. Give them your undistracted attention by making eye contact when talking and acknowledging them. Listen as if every word matters, and you are truly interested. You win them over when they sense you care about them as a human being.

3. Laugh sometimes.

It’s not necessary that you force yourself to laugh at every joke cracked by someone, albeit you do not find it funny at all. However, you should find humor in things and not be too serious. Laugh at yourself daily. Learn to use humor to keep things light when you or people around you may be facing their greatest challenge.

4. Don't forget yourself.

It’s easy to get caught up in the challenges of day to day life and lose touch with yourself. Do not be afraid to nurture the qualities in yourself that you expect from others. Remember to love and value yourself before anyone else. If you present yourself as respectable and worthy of affection, people will respond to you as such. You can ultimately determine how the world and others respond to you.

5. Do random acts of kindness.

Make it a practice to do a random act of kindness each day. It’s not necessary to do a Warren Buffet and give all your savings to charity. Little acts of kindness matter the most, and this can be as simple buying someone a cup of coffee or giving up your seat on public transportation.  A warm word of encouragement could mean the world to someone down on their luck. 

6. Stay in touch with old friends.

Try to maintain connections with old friendships. Although some friendships have served their purpose and should be allowed to fade away, others may have been allowed to fall by the wayside for no apparent reason. Thanks to technology (social media), you can do something about it. Pull out the old yearbook or address book and reach out to the people who brought value and fun to your life at one time. 

7. Refine your personality.

Are you grouchy, grumpy and generally miserable? Stop it! You can't go through life behaving this way and be at your best. Yes, life has a way of beating you down, but you must rise above these bad traits and habits that are certain to hinder your growth and development. Who wants to around a grouchy irritated person all the time?

8. Be confident.

Learn to stride across the room and meet and greet people with warm and radiate positive energy. Just remember: be confident, not arrogant. Promote your “can do” brand at all times. There are people watching you even when you do not realize it. Always strive to display the best you no matter the situation, even if shaking in your shoes.

9. Practice control.

When angered, do not be overtaken by your emotions.  Avoid throwing tantrums and the “I told them syndrome”. Try to stay calm and collected. Be mature enough to take control of the situation and transform your anger into something more productive or a solution. People will tend to avoid you once they learn about your inability to control your anger.

10. Keep nurturing your relationships.

Relationships with family, friends and significant others are too precious and you must not neglect them no matter what happens. It’s important to go out of your way to enjoy them. Do things that pull you closer together. As you strive to reach the top, be sure that you don’t arrive there all alone. Keep close people who have a genuine interest in your success.  The “Johnny Come Lately” is normally not really invested in you, but more interested in what you do.

You too can become more of people-person; it will pay dividends in both your personal and professional development. In the end, connecting with people for self-empowerment requires you to become a more assertive and engaging individual. It's a win-win situation: the people know they can count on you anytime and vice versa.

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Overcoming a Victim Mentality

We all experience setbacks and disappointments in life at one time or another. No matter how hard we try to avoid them - tragedy, hurt, and illness have a way of finding us. There are also times when our actions contribute to our own down fall. Other times, it’s like B. B. King use to sing about, “if I didn’t have bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all”.   We feel that bad things just seem to follow us no matter where we go or what we do. These day to day challenges can prevent us from reaching our full potential if we allow ourselves to fall prey to a victim mentality.

What does it mean to have a victim mentality? From my understanding, it’s a sense of being powerless to change or overcome what has happened or is happening within our lives.  It’s feeling trapped by past experiences that appear to keep holding us down.  It’s as if we are stuck in a rut with no possibility of creating a new beginning for ourselves and blaming others for our situation.

A victim mentality can easily happen to the best of us including yours truly. I recall when I was dismissed from my place of employment for the first time in my life during the "Great Recession".  This was a terrible blow to my morale and self confidence. I mentally went into a fog. Initially, I couldn't see my way to the next opportunity. How could this happen to me with a doctorate degree with years of experience. I had been a golden boy in which everything I touched tended to turn to gold. After months without being able to find suitable employment, I began to doubt myself and to question my qualifications. 

In order to stop this down slope,  I had to reach deep within to change my internal conversation. It wasn't a new one, but it was self talk that I had used throughout my life. I said to myself, "This is Robert Kight and there is nothing that I can't accomplish." My entire mindset and outlook about my situation began to change. I no longer viewed myself as being unemployed, but instead considered myself to be in a state of transition. My thoughts began to focus on possibilities to create new opportunities. My self-worth was not depended on the place of employment, but on my ability to make things happen. Before long I had found a new opportunity and I was back in the game

If you are reading this article and have a sense of feeling down and out or know someone who maybe going through a similar situation, I encourage you to change your internal conversation.  Focus on what you can do and how you have handled situations before. Refuse to give to the current situation.  As long as you are down and not out, you have the ability to pick yourself up and continue to compete. You are not a victim, but a winner with unlimited possibilities. Please share this blog with at least 10 other people that you think would benefit from this discussion.

Written by Dr. RL Kight for Mind Power Solutions at www.mindpowersolutions.com