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Overcoming a Victim Mentality

August 13, 2017 Robert Kight

We all experience setbacks and disappointments in life at one time or another. No matter how hard we try to avoid them - tragedy, hurt, and illness have a way of finding us. There are also times when our actions contribute to our own down fall. Other times, it’s like B. B. King use to sing about, “if I didn’t have bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all”.   We feel that bad things just seem to follow us no matter where we go or what we do. These day to day challenges can prevent us from reaching our full potential if we allow ourselves to fall prey to a victim mentality.

What does it mean to have a victim mentality? From my understanding, it’s a sense of being powerless to change or overcome what has happened or is happening within our lives.  It’s feeling trapped by past experiences that appear to keep holding us down.  It’s as if we are stuck in a rut with no possibility of creating a new beginning for ourselves and blaming others for our situation.

A victim mentality can easily happen to the best of us including yours truly. I recall when I was dismissed from my place of employment for the first time in my life during the "Great Recession".  This was a terrible blow to my morale and self confidence. I mentally went into a fog. Initially, I couldn't see my way to the next opportunity. How could this happen to me with a doctorate degree with years of experience. I had been a golden boy in which everything I touched tended to turn to gold. After months without being able to find suitable employment, I began to doubt myself and to question my qualifications. 

In order to stop this down slope,  I had to reach deep within to change my internal conversation. It wasn't a new one, but it was self talk that I had used throughout my life. I said to myself, "This is Robert Kight and there is nothing that I can't accomplish." My entire mindset and outlook about my situation began to change. I no longer viewed myself as being unemployed, but instead considered myself to be in a state of transition. My thoughts began to focus on possibilities to create new opportunities. My self-worth was not depended on the place of employment, but on my ability to make things happen. Before long I had found a new opportunity and I was back in the game

If you are reading this article and have a sense of feeling down and out or know someone who maybe going through a similar situation, I encourage you to change your internal conversation.  Focus on what you can do and how you have handled situations before. Refuse to give to the current situation.  As long as you are down and not out, you have the ability to pick yourself up and continue to compete. You are not a victim, but a winner with unlimited possibilities. Please share this blog with at least 10 other people that you think would benefit from this discussion.

Written by Dr. RL Kight for Mind Power Solutions at www.mindpowersolutions.com

 

Tags self belief, positive thinking, self empowerment
← Never Give in to Mother Nature, Negative Self-Talk and DiscouragementSix Steps to Avoid a Victim Mentality →

I was once asked why do you think some people maximize their full potential no matter where and under what conditions they were born while others fall short.  At the time, I didn’t have an adequate response. This simple question sent me on a personal quest to discover what empowers some people to overcome negative circumstances and to stay focused on achieving their goals no matter how many setbacks they encounter.  After many years of research, I concluded that it comes down to an individual’s mindset.  

Mindset is often defined as the sum total of our thoughts and outlook on the world. This plays a critical role in what we achieve and accomplish in our lives. It determines how we respond to adversities and experiences that challenge our well-being. Our mindset often the deciding factor between success and failure.  It’s amazing how so few of us ever give any consideration as to how our mental outlook influences the way we approach life.  

Dr. Carol Dweck in her book MindsSet indicates that people have either a fixed or growth mindset that dictates their outlook on life. People with the fixed mindset tend to stay stuck and not to live up to their full potential while those with a growth mindset appear to be unstoppable and willing to take on new challenges in life.  I prefer to identify people as having either a “can’t do” or a “can do” mindset. Each day we awaken, we can decide to have a “can’t do” or “can do” mindset. A “can’t do” mindset searches for reasons for why things cannot be done. They hold themselves back from going after their goals. Some see defeat before they ever get started.

A “can do” mindset is a state of mind which can give us drive and inspiration.   It empowers people to do whatever necessary to achieve their goals. People with a “can do” mindset don’t sit around waiting for someone to remove the obstacles in their lives. They find a way to overcome, go around or through them if necessary, but never give up.

The right mindset enables us to make the correct choice or decision at crucial junctions in our lives.  It serves as a catalyst that helps us to decide which road of life to travel. There comes a time when we faced with the option to take the short or long road to achieve our goals. A “can’t do” mindset is more likely to select the short road to success and the “can do” will most often take the long road. The short road is usually more attractive because it appears to be a more direct path and gets you where you want to go faster.  It often brings immediate personal happiness, instant gratification and requires minimum effort.  The short road is attractive because it doesn’t require a major investment of time and effort to produce temporary success.

On the other hand, the long road tends to be more uncertain. There are no guarantees that the outcome will go accordingly to our plans. When things don’t go accordingly to plans, it can be difficult for individuals with a “can’t do” mindset to keep on going. The person with the “can do” mindset is usually more willing to continue - driven by their dreams, hopes, and aspirations.   

Writing this blog has caused me to reflect on the significance of having a “can do” mindset in the lives of my brothers and I. We grew up in a rural town in southeast Georgia. There is only one red light within the ten-mile city limit boundary. When visiting, I run the entire city limit within one hour and a half. We were the first in the family to go to college and establish ourselves in relatively successful careers. Thus, we have provided a quality life style for our families, traveled the world, and become contributors to the well-being of society.

A “can do” mindset has been a game changer for us because we:

·       chose to focus on where we were going and not where we started from and what we didn’t have.

·       concentrate our efforts on continuous self-improvement and raising our game to the next level.

·       believe in our ability to accomplish whatever we set our minds too.

·       never set any limitations on what we can or could not do.

Our mindset enabled us to take on new challenges and opportunities knowing it would require personal sacrifice and commitment.  My brothers and I approach each day with a belief that our goals are achievable through hard work and perseverance. The self-confidence we display is often mistaken for arrogance and pride.  This is not the case at all. Failure has never been an option for us.

I share our story not to boast, but as an example of how having the right mindset has made a difference in our lives.  The constant pursuit of our dreams, hopes and aspirations is never ending. There are no short roads to success. It’s is a life long journey with many unseen pot holes and twists and turns.  It takes a “can do” mindset to endure and overcome the challenges that stand to block our pathway to living up to our full potential in this highly competitive world.   

Change your THinking, Change your Life!
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