You Create Your Breaks

Are you one of those unhappy people because life hasn’t unfolded the way you would like? You see others around you enjoying the so call good life.  All their hopes and dreams appear to come true, but you never seem to get a break. In spite of the daily hustle and grind, your dreams remain just that – dreams.  Maybe it’s time to get up and do something different. 

You cannot afford to sit around waiting for your breaks to come.  It just doesn’t happen that way; successful people create their breaks.  While you need not take on the whole world at once, it is on you to do something every day to propel yourself closer to making your desires a reality. I am sure you have heard the saying, “A thousand-mile journey begins with a single step”.  Even if planning to travel by bus, plane, car, or train these days, you must take the first step.  Each step will bring you nearer to your destination. 

Here are some suggestions that you may find helpful in your effort to create your breaks no matter the destination.

Get it done. Work on some aspect of making your dream come true every day.  Create a list of tasks you need to accomplish within a specific time frame.  No matter how big or small the task – get it done!  Set aside time on your schedule to complete them.  If not on your schedule, they are most likely not going to get done.  Out of sight, out of mind.  Keep what you want to achieve on the radar.

Eliminate false beliefs.  Self-imposed negative belief systems can become major obstacles to your desire to get more out of life. Beliefs such as “I don’t have what it takes”, “I don’t have enough money to get started”, “they won’t let me” or “the time isn’t right” will only hold you hostage to low expectations; limiting your ability to rise to the next level.  These beliefs are often the results of our upbringing, culture, and experiences.  Remember, nothing can prevent your dreams from coming true, but you.

Take a chance.  To reach the next level requires courage.  Opportunities are all around you if you are willing to step into the unknown.  There are no guarantees in life, so you must have confidence in what you want to accomplish.  I recently listened to Sylvester Stallone talk about how he turned down $300,000 for the rights to his screenplay to the first Rocky film when he was so broke that he had to sell his beloved dog.  We are all aware of his success story many years later.  You can play it safe and watch life pass you by or you can overcome your fears and step into the unknown. 

Tune out the noise.  You must be mentally tough to pursue your dreams until they become real.  There will be self-doubt and doubters all round you.  You will experience setbacks that make you call your decisions into question.  These are the times in which you must tune out the voices in your head telling you to, “quit now”, “you don’t have what it takes” or “you will never make it”.  We all hear these voices at one time or another.  It’s only a test to determine how serious you are about reaching your goals.  Don’t become distracted by them and stay focused.   

Stay in the game. You cannot win sitting on the side lines.  Success requires that you stay into the game of life and compete.  Don’t let the ups and downs of life discourage you.  Yes, the rules of engagement will often change, but don’t let that scare you from the competition.  Life demands that you be flexible and embrace the changes.  You win some and lose some; keep showing up ready to compete.  To stay in the game requires a high level of self-confidence.  Therefore, you must believe in your ability to compete and win.     

Work on your craft.  Success is often the result of many hours, days, and years of preparation for just the right moment. It requires that you work on your craft and sharpen your skills to be ready.  You never know how and when the right opportunity is going to come your way.  What might appear to be a small act could turn out to be a life changing event.  You never know who might be watching or how one moment will transform into something greater.  Luck only leads to success when preparation meets opportunity.  

Make an investment. Nothing in life is free.  Anything worth having has a cost. You must be willing to invest a significant amount of your time and resources to achieve your dreams.  Only you can determine the amount of effort and energy required to reach your desired destination. If what you’re doing now is not producing desired results, it’s not enough.  Do whatever it takes to achieve success.   

 I leave you with these final words of encouragement. Dare to dream on and expect to succeed.  Don’t get caught up in self-imposed limitations. Think big and work hard to create your breaks. As you travel the road to success, I hope you discover that the impossible has just become a little bit more possible.  Your breaks are waiting for you.

 Written by Dr. RL Kight for Mind Power Solutions.  Visit www.mindpowersolutions.com to learn more about our personal development and training services.

No More Excuses – Do It Now!

The great scientist, Dr. George Washington Carver said, “ninety-nine percent of failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses.  People get stuck in the life style of living for tomorrow because they accept their own excuses for not taking action.  Inaction is one of the main reasons that people fail to live better and more fulfilling lives.  If you're stuck in the “do It later” mindset, make up your mind to stop making excuses.

 If you've been making excuses for putting things off, it is now time to take charge of your life.  Think about all the things you've been delaying -at work, at home, in your personal relationships, or for your personal development.  Make a list.

Now choose one thing on that list that you can do something about now. Write down every excuse you've given yourself for not having done anything about it yet.  Ask yourself if you have considered all the consequences for not getting it done.  Are you prepared to live with them?  Do you have a genuine reason for putting off this task?

You must be honest about this self-assessment in order to have a break through.  Forget about what other people think; look in the mirror and ask the hard questions.  If you have a legitimate reason for delaying action in this area, move on to another item on the list.  Identify something that you can make happen now, simply by deciding to do it.  As the Nike slogan goes, “Just Do It”.  When you've completed this task successfully, your sense of accomplishment will motivate you to repeat this process with another item on your list.  

Successful people know that their accomplishments depend on two things: taking action and staying focused on their goals.  People who are successful in any situation or career have an ability to make things happen.  Most productive individuals create a legacy of being a doer because they develop certain traits.  To become a person of action and get all you want out of life, you must:

 ·       Know what you want.

·       Force yourself to take action.

·       Be willing to make mistakes and learn from them.

·       Stop making excuses!

Now take another look at your list and choose another project. Write down every excuse you've been giving yourself for not getting started, or for leaving it unfinished.  Put as many things on the list as you can think of. Now try to eliminate one excuse at a time.  Ask yourself hard questions: Why do I have to delay this task?  Is it necessary to go on postponing it?  If Oprah Winfrey was in my situation, would she postpone it?  What will happen if I keep putting this off?  If I keep putting this off, when will I get it done?  Can I get started on it now?  What part of the project could I complete now?  If I delay this task now, what other task will I tackle to make better use of my time?

As you eliminate your excuses, think of what you can do quickly to complete each task or project, and do it.  Writer Stephen King says, “Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration, the rest of us just get up and go to work.”   It is important to recognize what is holding you back from taking action and commit yourself to being more productive.  Make a decision to do it now!

Written by Dr. RL Kight for Mind Power Solutions

Creating A Life Road Map: A Vision for Success →

There is a quote by Lewis Carroll that says, “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.” Success is more than economic gains, titles, and degrees. Planning for success is about mapping out all the aspects of your life. It’s like taking a road trip, you need to define the specific details of the journey: origin, destination, vehicle, travel bags, landmarks, and route.

Origin:  Who you are

A road trip has a starting point. Your origin is who you are right now. Most people, when asked to introduce themselves, would say, “Hi, I’m Jane Doe and I am an engineer, working for the XX Company.” This does not tell you about who Jane is; it only tells you about her present occupation and accomplishment. To gain insights into yourself, you need to look closely at your beliefs, values, and principles aside from your economic, professional, cultural, and civil status.  You must also reflect on your experiences to give you an idea of your good and not-so-good traits, skills, knowledge, strengths, and weaknesses.  Doing so will help you find your true self. Many of us walk around as imposters of our true selves afraid to reveal our identity because of fear of not living up to the expectations of others or society.

Destination: A vision of who you want to be

“Who do want to be?”  It doesn’t matter where you started. This is your vision. I hope you haven’t lost sight of your vision. It is important that you know yourself so that you have a clearer idea of who you want to be; and the things you want to change whether they are attitudes, habits, or points of view. If you hardly know yourself, then your vision and targets for the future are also likely to be unclear. Your destination should cover all the aspects of your being: the physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. The problem is that many of us are still trying to figure out who we want to be. Sooner or later we must be that which we desire to become. 

Vehicle: Your Mission

A vehicle is the means by which you can reach your destination. It can be compared to your mission or purpose in life. To an extent, your mission depends on what you know about yourself.  Your mission becomes what you live for each day. It’s your reason for being; gives you the motivation to fulfill your destiny regardless of the circumstances you face. We each have our own mission to take us to where we should go. Without it, we tend to wander from place to place.

Travel Bag: Your knowledge, skills, and attitude

Food, drinks, clothing, and other traveling necessities are contained in a travel bag. Applying this concept to your life map, you bring with you certain knowledge, skills, and attitudes. These determine your competence and help you in attaining your vision. Given such, there is a need for you to assess what knowledge, skills, and attitudes you have at present and what you need to gain along the way. This two-fold assessment will give you insights on your landmarks or measures of success. Don’t be afraid to repack if you discover that you lack the knowledge, skills, and proper attitude.  New opportunities always require us to replace or upgrade what’s in our travel bag.

Landmarks and Route: S.M.A.R.T. Goals

Landmarks confirm if you are on the right track while the route determines the travel time. Thus, in planning out your life roadmap, you also need to have landmarks and a route. These landmarks are your measures of success. These measures must be specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound. Some you are probably reading this article feeling that you have bypassed your landmarks or traveled too far in the wrong direction.  It’s never too late to establish new landmarks and set out for a new destination. The journey is over only if you say it’s over.

Anticipate Turns, Detours, and Potholes

The purpose of a life roadmap is to minimize hasty and spur-of-the-moment decisions that can make you lose your way. But oftentimes our plans change along the way due to problems, delays, and other situations beyond our control. Like in any path, there are turns, detours, and potholes; however, we must anticipate them and adjust accordingly. If you should find yourself at a dead-end, do a quick U-turn or shift into reverse. Don’t sit there and panic. The only way to become unstuck if to take action to get back on track. It doesn’t matter if you are 18 or 81 years young a life roadmap will serve you well.

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By Dr. Robert L Kight

Connect with People to Find Self-Empowerment →

Have you ever noticed how some people are so naturally friendly when placed inside a room of strangers? They quickly connect and engage in conversations with almost everyone in no time. We often refer to them as a people-person, outgoing and charismatic, with the ability to charm a spot from a leopard’s back. They can entice others to contribute and celebrate their success. These individuals appear to operate from a mindset that they can accomplish anything because of the overwhelming support base behind them.

In all honesty, these are skills that I dedicated a significant amount of time to improve over the past years. By nature, I am somewhat reserved, but recognized I could never reach my full potential if I didn’t do more to aggressively connect with others to broaden my circle of influence. At one time, I could walk among hundreds of people and didn’t feel the need to connect with any of them. In hindsight, the lack of a more outward going personality probably hindered my career advancement and limited my access to other opportunities. Fortunately, I began to recognize these as flaws as a hindrance to my ability to maximize my knowledge, skills, and talents. Thus, I began this journey of self-improvement.

Working to enhance my own social skills has enabled me to better connect and relate to family, friends, colleagues at work, as well as complete strangers. The transformation in this area of my own personal development allows me to experience the level of self-empowerment I now enjoy. I no longer feel vulnerable in my efforts to reach out and connect with others. In fact, I seek as many opportunities as possible.

This drive for self-empowerment has been a process of making a general overhaul in my life and turning myself into a more confident and positive person. While still comfortable in my own skin, most people would probably think of me as a more outward going person today. Next, I would like to share some of the strategies used to better connect with people that led to my own sense of self-empowerment:

1. Be genuine.

Be true to who you are. There must be consistency in your behavior and interactions with others. Attempting to live a double life will eventually bring you down. Once you are perceived to be a hypocrite with selfish intentions, you might as well say goodbye to self-empowerment. Therefore, keep your ego under control by constantly monitoring your thoughts, decisions, and behavior.

2. Be a great listener.

To earn the respect and trust of other people, listen to their problems and empathize with them. Do more than hear them out, listen to them with your heart. Give them your undistracted attention by making eye contact when talking and acknowledging them. Listen as if every word matters, and you are truly interested. You win them over when they sense you care about them as a human being.

3. Laugh sometimes.

It’s not necessary that you force yourself to laugh at every joke cracked by someone, albeit you do not find it funny at all. However, you should find humor in things and not be too serious. Laugh at yourself daily. Learn to use humor to keep things light when you or people around you may be facing their greatest challenge.

4. Don't forget yourself.

It’s easy to get caught up in the challenges of day to day life and lose touch with yourself. Do not be afraid to nurture the qualities in yourself that you expect from others. Remember to love and value yourself before anyone else. If you present yourself as respectable and worthy of affection, people will respond to you as such. You can ultimately determine how the world and others respond to you.

5. Do random acts of kindness.

Make it a practice to do a random act of kindness each day. It’s not necessary to do a Warren Buffet and give all your savings to charity. Little acts of kindness matter the most, and this can be as simple buying someone a cup of coffee or giving up your seat on public transportation.  A warm word of encouragement could mean the world to someone down on their luck. 

6. Stay in touch with old friends.

Try to maintain connections with old friendships. Although some friendships have served their purpose and should be allowed to fade away, others may have been allowed to fall by the wayside for no apparent reason. Thanks to technology (social media), you can do something about it. Pull out the old yearbook or address book and reach out to the people who brought value and fun to your life at one time. 

7. Refine your personality.

Are you grouchy, grumpy and generally miserable? Stop it! You can't go through life behaving this way and be at your best. Yes, life has a way of beating you down, but you must rise above these bad traits and habits that are certain to hinder your growth and development. Who wants to around a grouchy irritated person all the time?

8. Be confident.

Learn to stride across the room and meet and greet people with warm and radiate positive energy. Just remember: be confident, not arrogant. Promote your “can do” brand at all times. There are people watching you even when you do not realize it. Always strive to display the best you no matter the situation, even if shaking in your shoes.

9. Practice control.

When angered, do not be overtaken by your emotions.  Avoid throwing tantrums and the “I told them syndrome”. Try to stay calm and collected. Be mature enough to take control of the situation and transform your anger into something more productive or a solution. People will tend to avoid you once they learn about your inability to control your anger.

10. Keep nurturing your relationships.

Relationships with family, friends and significant others are too precious and you must not neglect them no matter what happens. It’s important to go out of your way to enjoy them. Do things that pull you closer together. As you strive to reach the top, be sure that you don’t arrive there all alone. Keep close people who have a genuine interest in your success.  The “Johnny Come Lately” is normally not really invested in you, but more interested in what you do.

You too can become more of people-person; it will pay dividends in both your personal and professional development. In the end, connecting with people for self-empowerment requires you to become a more assertive and engaging individual. It's a win-win situation: the people know they can count on you anytime and vice versa.

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Creating Effective and Meaningful Relationships

Society can be described as a web of relationships, which requires groups and individuals to collaborate and contribute to the achievement of a common goal. Relationships, where cooperation and respect are displayed, can make society (home, family, work, sport and play) a better place. This can only be achieved through effective and efficient relationships.

We are social beings and our well-being greatly depends on our ability to maintain meaningful relationships. It’s very unlikely that anyone can succeed by themselves.  On one hand, relationships of all kinds can be very delicate and require extra effort to maintain. On the other, a relationship can also be something that provides security and can be long lasting despite many challenges.

Building effective and lasting relationships is a necessity for several reasons. In both group or personal relationships, the success of those involved depends on how efficient and effective they interact with one another. It does not matter whether this involves marriages, family, work, or friends.

Understanding the other group or persons' feeling and position creates the foundation of an effective and efficient relationship. One of the best approaches to understanding what is important to another individual is to ask them what they want and listen to what they say. When the other person recognizes this, they would feel the importance given to them.

Effective and efficient relationships require us to openly express our feelings and positions on all matters relevant to the discussion. Assuming others understand our needs and give us what we need without asking for it is not a good approach to developing a good relationship. Spouses, friends, co-workers and/or managers don’t have a crystal ball to know what’s going on inside our head. Good relationships are built on honesty and transparency.

Respect is the key to a relationship.

To create an effective relationship, individuals must treat each other with respect.  We can show respect by listening to the other group or person and by trying sincerely to understand what they believe. You can also show respect to others by confirming that they add value and their point of view is are important to the process.

The opposite of respect is making judgments based on unfounded facts and prejudice. We must be mindful not to pass judgment based on our own experiences or perceptions. This is where empathy becomes important because we must be able to see the situation from the other person’s point of view.

Respect is a key step in building a great relationship. This means respecting yourself and respecting others. In most cases, the respect one gives is the respect one is most likely to receive.

Another key area in forming an effective relationship is to confront differences with others head-on. Differences between groups or people are quite interesting. For example, in a conversation where each group or person listens to the other, you often observe that each comes from a different perspective. The challenge is to find a way to work through these differences.

Work towards a win-win solution for both sides.

This can be done when at least one group or person acknowledges that the relationship is important. It requires them to exert more time, effort and energy to understand the other's needs and deal with it.  Should they fail, it will be gratifying to know that at least they tried.

Effectively listening and no pre-judging. This is important if groups and individuals are to understand each other.

Informal conversations are helpful for groups and individuals seeking to find common ground. This allows them to openly discuss underlying issues and concerns. They also tend to feel more relaxed making them think more clearly.

Create an atmosphere where the groups or individuals can express their feelings when they need to. If not, they will never be able to move beyond the surface conversations. This age of political correctness has a way of stifling a meaningful conversation of different perspectives. I always appreciated how my father and a co-worker (white) could openly discuss their views on race relations and continued to maintain a meaningful friendship. They didn’t always agree or attempt to change the others point of view.

When people fail to express whatever is on their mind or feelings, it can get in the way of building an effective relationship.

Groups and people should be mindful that certain things exist naturally but should be controlled in any dealings in any relationship.  Human nature is one. Some of the factors that impede relationship building is embedded in a history of stereotyping or mistrust, blaming the other person or group for a strained relationship, excluding the other groups or person’s feelings when focusing on a task, no clear and defined objectives, and roles and expectations of others in the relationship is unclear.

Effective relationships are important to living a balanced life. Resolving issues and problems right away is a must to further improve our relationships. We need others to reach our full potential. As they say, 'No man (person) is an Island'.

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